This t-shirt was made over at SharkRobot.com and, while completely unofficial, does make a stab at 33 rules of Zombieland.

1. Cardio
2. The Double Tap
3. Beware of Bathrooms
4. Wear Seat Belts
5. No Attachments
6. The “Skillet”
7. Travel Light
8. Get a Kick Ass Partner
9. With your Bare Hands
10. Don’t Swing Low
11. Use Your Foot
12. Bounty Paper Towels
13. Shake it Off
14. Always carry a change of underwear
15. Bowling Ball
16. Opportunity Knocks
17. Don’t be a hero (later crossed out to be a hero)
18. Limber Up
19. Break it Up
20. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, unless it’s a sprint, then sprint
21. Avoid Strip Clubs
22. When in doubt Know your way out
23. Zipplock
24. Use your thumbs
25. Shoot First
26. A little sun screen never hurt anybody
27. Incoming!
28. Double-Knot your Shoes
29. The Buddy System
30. Pack your stain stick
31. Check the back seat
32. Enjoy the little things
33. Swiss army Knife

Below is an instructional video and guide to making a Twinkie. Make sure to watch the video to the end to see what happens to 13 year old Twinkies (Tallahassee is right, they do have a shelf life!).

Ingredients for the cake:

• Non-stick spray
• 4 egg whites
• 1 16-oz (about 450g) box of golden pound cake mix
• 2/3 cup(about 475ml) of water

NB: Now I don’t actually know what golden pound cake mix is. I think it’s a kind of Madeira cake but if you wanted to make the whole thing yourself it refers to a cake made with a pound of butter, a pound of flour, eggs (8) and a pound of sugar. If you don’t want to make as many then weigh equal amounts of the other ingredients to the weight of the eggs you are using and do it that way.

Ingredients for the filling:

• 2 tsp very hot water
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 1/2 cup shortening
• 1/3 cup powdered sugar
• 1/2 tsp vanilla
• 2 cups marshmallow creme (or one 7 oz jar)

NB: Yeah, good luck getting marshmallow creme in the UK. If you want to make it yourself, simply melt about 16 large marshmallows and a couple of teaspoons of corn syrup on a double boiler (a double boiler lets heat spread evenly across things that need to be melted slowly, basically you have another pan above boiling water. Just raid a home store.)

Instructions:

1. Pre-heat the oven to 325 degrees Fahrenheit/160-ish degrees Celcius/Gas Mark 3.
2. Make the molds out of aluminium foil as per the instructions in the video, you will need about 10 of them, and don’t forget to use the non-stick spray!
3. Beat the egg whites until stiff as per the video. In a separate bowl combine the cake mix with water and beat until thoroughly blended. Then, pour the egg whites into the cake mix and slowly combine until blended.
4. Pour the batter into the molds such that it’s about 3/4 of an inch deep in each one. Bake in the pre-heated oven for around 30 minutes, or until the cakes are golden brown and a toothpick will come out clean.
5. To do the cream filling, first mix the salt into the bowl of hot water, and mix until the salt is dissolved. Let it cool.
6. Combine the marshmallow creme, shortening, powdered sugar, and vanilla in a bowl and mix until light and airy.
7. Pour the salt water solution in and mix.
8. When the cakes are done, just use a chopstick and bag or pastry gun as in the video to inject the cream filling.

Okay, now you’re ready to Nut Up or Shut Up.